


Drifting

by Socket



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socket/pseuds/Socket
Summary: Bernie’s been the beginning of so many things (a collection of drabbles from Serena's POV).





	1. Chapter 1

It was supposed to go back to normal. That was the deal. They called off… whatever this thing was simmering between them… and returned to being friends. Only the tension was still there. Heavy and undiluted. Electric and unforgiving.

Serena tried to act normally but found herself drowning in what could be.

Bernie’s been the beginning of so many things. 

She’s always been confident in herself, now doubt creeps in… love is fickle. Love burns. She wants to ignore it; this disenchantment but Serena’s never been a coward. She always meets problems head-on. 

Is this a problem? Falling in love with the wrong person at the wrong time?

Her stomach drops, her heart pounds and her chest constricts at the mere sight of Bernice Wolfe. When she spots the blonde in a sea of people in AAU or the confined quarters of their office, she’s a hopeless case. She knows the signs. Knows what this is. Knows she can’t run from it.

It’s delicate – dancing around Bernie. Someone who won’t acknowledge the inevitable. Someone who won’t make eye-contact or admit their strength of feeling. It’s frustrating to be half of something when the other half hides.

Serena’s always wanted an equal. She finally has that and Bernie is running in the other direction. 

She’s willing to put her heart out there – if you don’t gamble, what do you gain? But Bernie’s already lost so much and Serena understands the blonde’s hesitancy but she’s sure, completely sure, that this is for keeps. 

She knows how she feels. Knows that Bernie sees it in her eyes every time they exchange a glance… but there’s an abyss between them.

This used to be so easy. It saddens her. Fills her with so many things.

Love confuses everything. Tears at foundations. Uproots her. She wants to be angry but hurt comes too readily. She wants to make it work between them - it’s better to salvage what they can than exhume the remnants.

They share an office; it’s all they do share these days. 

Bernie’s absence is notable - she fixes the roster to accommodate their avoiding each other. Serena pretends not to notice but it stings. British reserve is a blessing and she uses it to gain some equilibrium. She falls back on sarcasm but her heart is still wide open… and she’s grateful to Bernie because when was she last this vulnerable? This wholehearted? 

Love wounds but it’s worth it. Love is always worth it. No matter the cost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Timeline:** 19x03: Black Dog

People keep giving her time she doesn’t need. Tell her she doesn’t know what she wants, what she needs. She does. It’s their uncertainty that’s the driving force and she’s sick of taking the fall.  


First Robbie; now Bernie. 

It’s not that complicated. She wants to be with them and they’re too busy running away to realise she’s ready.

She’d expected more of Bernie. Thought she’d be different. Thought Bernie would stay and fight for her. Serena hates cowardice. She’s always been upfront, despite the cost. How did she ever come to love someone so gutless? She hates herself almost as much as Bernice bloody Wolfe.

Bernie is easy to fall in love with. Easy to break her heart over.

Is this how Marcus felt? Betrayed. 

Is this how Alex felt? Deserted.

Is she just another casualty on Bernie’s list?

Anger is Serena’s default position. Anger covers a multitude of sins – it covers hurt, humiliation, disappointment… but anger is so much easier to feel, to channel… and Serena is an expert in controlled rage. In grudges. In appearing indifferent whilst lacerating people with sarcasm. 

She wants to stay angry but it takes so much effort. The snickers in the corridors of AAU and curious looks niggle at her. She knows she carries the façade of indifference well but it bothers her. She’s suffering the consequences of being outed without the advantages of having Bernie here, in her life, in her arms, in her bed.

She hates Bernie. Hates her stupid insecurities and stupid fringe that hangs sexily in her eyes. Hates her stupid laugh and the silence it leaves in their office. Hates that she’s constantly waiting for Bernie to walk through the door, heart suspended. 

Why is she waiting? Serena’s always gone after what she wanted. She’s never been afraid of desire. Of ambition. But now she waits… and she hates this impatience, this powerlessness.

Who’d have thought she’d ever learn to temper her natural fury but Bernie’s opened her eyes, opened her heart… against her will and she rues the day she ever laid eyes on Bernice Wolfe.


End file.
